10 guys get to sweat it out then sing. 5 guys get screwed. Let’s do this shiz
Maybe George Lovett can break through
They all kinda dwarf Seacrest, which delights me a little bit
I liked Band Geek ok too. I’ll learnt heir names later. Maybe.
Caleb, Ben, Alex, Sam, and Dexter would be my gut feeling.
I think Fat Bo Bice is my favorite guy? Maybe?
At least two of these guys got out-countried.
Keith: I don’t know that that was your best vocal performance.
Jennifer: You’re a star
Harry: This is not your strong suit. This was not good.
That was like, a Season 1 performance
This is a train wreck.
Spencer is singing Love Don’t Die by The Fray
Weak opening there.
I think I will call Spencer Giant Bieber, because to me, and I have face blindness, he looks like Justin Bieber only bigger
Okay so this is like when in Season 3 they did a wildcard round, watched the rehearsals, and only let some people sing. But note that each of those singers had already played in regular shows.
The last singer is Spencer Lloyd.
Harry: I think you did a great job.
Keith: You’ve got a great voice. Better than the guitar playing.
Jennifer: You came alive on stage.
Nope. David Cook. Casey James. Both did solos.
I dunno. That was, uh, well, we’ve heard worse tonight. And yeah his tie is incompetently tied.
That solo was terrible! Unless it was an ironic solo like in that Dr Hook song.
Nobody. Knows. This. Song.
It’s also better than ice storms. WAY.
Ben is singing Soulshine by the Allman Brothers
Uh, the guy who was not even good enough to definitely include in the Top 15?
The ninth singer is Ben Briley
Jennifer: I wanted your performance to hit me more. I should have gotten goosies.
Harry: You sang the exact same 5 notes over and over. You sang so sharp.
Keith: I would have felt it if you had made different choices.
I pine for the days when contestants would blow up at the judges after a bad review.
This song sure has a lot of words in it
This started good and went way off at the bridge.
Malcolm is singing Coming from Where I’m From by Anthony Hamilton
The eighth singer is Malcolm Allen.
Oh der Phil Phillips. I was thinking of Phil Stacey.
Keith: Really good performance.
Jennifer: You could really go far.
Harry: I really liked it.
Phil? Nosferatu Phil?
That was okay, just like Phil Phillips’ version was, but it’s not an exciting song, really. And Phil was dreamy.
That was a really meh song, pretty competently performed, but meh. Overwhelmingly meh.
Alex is doing Volcano by Damien Rice
Eye contact is overrated. By people not on the autism spectrum.
Alex “derpface” Preston on deck
The seventh singer is Alex Preston
Harry: Nice performance, but what’s going to set you apart from other country performers?
Keith: There is [sic] a thousand guys like you in bars all over the place.
Jennifer: You did your thing, it sounded great.
His—mom, I think?—held up the crappiest sign I’ve ever seen. It looks like the little tent-cards they make you put on your desk for the first couple weeks of elementary school.
Dexter is singing This Ole Boy by Craig Morgan
This sure is country music y’all
Making it you. By doing covers of other people’s covers, Daughtry?
The sixth singer is Dexter Roberts.
I forget how to do an ascii cat
Ugh, SOMEONE won’t let me post any pictures of my cats.
Wanna see some pictures of my cats?
OMG THEY AREN’T SHOWING THE SHOW DURING THE COMMERCIALS WHAT IF HARRY IS GETTING MORE HAIRSPRAY I WON’T SEE IT
Aflac still has some guy doing a Gilbert Gottfried impression?
Man, seeing the show during the commercials really enhances the whole experience. But can’t I get more content on my second-screen? Come on man.
Jennifer: That was really good. Control the runs more.
Harry: It spun out of control. It was one-note. I’ve heard you sing better.
Keith: I don’t think that was the right song.
Now just think if he had sung a good song! That gave him more to do, vocally! Then again maybe he’d fall apart on such a song.
That was like a 6/10.
Grenade at 60 bpm. Good call, arranger.
This is competent, for what it is. His vibrato is a little much at times.
George is singing Grenade by Bruno Mars
Gee I haven’t heard “Grenade” enough times in my life. (that’s a lie i pretty much dig that song but i’m ashamed)
The fifth singer is George Lovett
Nothing elevates a contest like making it more like a fraternity event.
Sundance Head burn
Sam gets really red when he’s—whatever he is. Embarrassed? “About halfway through [he] looked like [he]’d been boiled”
Simon: It was … good. I’m not jumpin’ out’a’my chair.
Can they not work out the whole sound situation in that theater? Why so much weird echo and noise and crap?
Keith: Your voice is beautiful.
Jennifer: I think you gave a great performance.
Harry: Really good performance, good song choice. I hope you get more confident.
Ah. I’ve heard this song. The problem with it is that it’s 90% forgettable. The hook is unmistakable, but it takes awhile to get there. Anyway, this guy is a shoo in.
Oh ok, decent finish there.
This is not terribly impressive, but it’s not impressively terrible!
Sam is singing Babylon by David Gray
Looks like kind of a mouth breather to me.
He’s just the cutest. Oh god does that make me a pervert? He’s 17.
Let’s call him Handsome Sam
The fourth singer is Sam Woolf.
Jeremiah the bullfrog, however…
Nota bene Vonzell was not a friend of Reuben’s
I remember Vonzell. Vonzell was a friend of mine. You sir, are no Vonzell.
What, he gets a second song because his first one sucked? Uncool, JLo.
Is everyone else going to get two songs?
Harry: You’re so much fun. Make sure you sing the song.
Keith: You were above the note most the time. If you watch it back you’ll go “ooh”.
Jennifer: I adore you. I don’t know that that was the best song for you.
I think the main problems with this are that it’s a crap song and it wasn’t good singing.
I kind of feel like with a movement coach, a song coach, and a performance coach maybe they’re a little overscheduled. As kids today are.
Emmanuel is singing Best of My Love by The Emotions
He dances like a hot chick but he’s a fat guy. Oh and his singing isn’t terribly impressive.
The third singer is Emmanuel Zidor.
And Paula would talk about how wondrous his eyes were and how cats are pretty.
This is when Simon would say it’s a singing competition, and that was not good.
The dental excuse
Jennifer: You’re awesome.
Harry: You have a tendency to be sharp.
Keith: You’re a great Alabama boy.
I’m sorry but I don’t care how connected he is to the lyrics, if it sounds horrible I’m going to notice that.
Ok, fine, I defer to Harry that it was sharp. But it was not on pitch at all.
Are JLo’s ears broken? That was terrible.
He gives the girls a run for their money. In being awful. Rimshot.
This guy is way under the note all the way through.
This is not good. Ray LaMontagne sings on key. This is not on key.
This song doesn’t seem to have a, um, melody, at least not the way CJ is singing it
C.J. is doing Shelter by Ray LaMontagne.
Country soul? So … Darius Rucker then.
The second singer is C.J. Harris.
Wait, shizz is an alias for shit?
I like that I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter (except yes I totally can) now makes a “less artificial” fake butter. People who want non-artificial butter just use butter. And butter is awesome.
Is it, like, the new shizz, as in shit?
Keith: Great way to start the show.
Jennifer: Amazing. That was the real deal.
Harry: Really strong way to start.
Ish? “Real rockstar ish”? What the hell is ish?
Oh right, the singing. Very good. He is good at his job.
But for a beer vacation I would still probably recommend Portland, Oregon. I like beer.
I enjoyed this, to be honest. Good song, good singing. Didn’t really bring anything new to it, but that’s ok in this case.
Caleb is from Asheville, North Carolina, which has the most breweries per capita in the nation.
Caleb is singing Rod Stewart/Faces Stay with Me.
Caleb Johnson, or as I like to call him, Fat Bo Bice
The first guy to perform is Caleb Johnson.
Advice from Harry: Don’t suck.
Also wild cards are dumb. The 3 week semis were fine.
But not as stupid ad JLo’s outfit
Do you think Idol has a deal with that sex line that was (scandalously) at 866-IDOLS-13? Or did they buy that number eventually? What I’m really saying is having a top 13 is stupid.
This recap is for the large amount of people that didn’t watch last night.