We’re getting down to the wire now, and this week the idols will be singing songs—allegedly—that the audience picked (via tweeting). So if it sucks, it’s our fault!
I’m not perfectly convinced JLo is a human. She might be a vampire. Although people mostly made vampire jokes about her ex-husband.
On the plus side, JLo has aged somewhat better than Tawny Kitaen.
There’s a reason this stuff went out around 1991. People were tired of Warrant for a reason.
All I can say about Caleb’s performance is that it is what it is.
Caleb is singing Still of the Night by Whitesnake.
Yeah, that wasn’t quite… right.
I think Jessica is gone.
Jessica is singing Summertime Sadness by Lana del Ray
Like I think a live version came up on my crappy Pandora station
The thing is, I think The Fray live sound almost this bad. I think Sam and the lead have the same kind of voice, and they both struggle with the lower bit at the beginning.
This is really rough in the verses.
Sam is singing How to Save a Life by the Fray.
I don’t get the feeling that Jena is showboating the way Caleb does. She is in charge of that band. You don’t get the feeling that the backup singers are doing the heavy lifting, or that they could rationally resent her. They can’t do what she does.
Finally, something not-boring! Although I guess Jena’s first song wasn’t boring, per se, I just didn’t like it
Jena is singing Valerie by Amy Winehouse
Feels like the producers are just throwing random stuff into the episodes. “Hey let’s have Zooey Deschanel show up.” “Hey, let’s get grumpy cat”
I mean, it was nice.
I think I hate everything
Let the direction of a hair follicle be a random variable X.
Alex is singing Say Something by Great Big World
That was excellent karaoke
Or wait, are those meant to be yellow streaks? They just look like places where the pink faded out
Rolling Stones songs for all duets from now on.
Her shoes are really hot though
Jessica really needs to touch up the pink in her hair, or else dye it black.
Ballsy, charismatic, great pitch. I liked it.
This is actually kind of enjoyable.
Jena is singing My Body by Young the Giant
Are the judges contractually limited from saying something sucks?
Tonight’s theme is crap songs, right?
That was super bland. Because it’s Sam.
And any of you who weren’t born at that time can get off my lawn
Love those lasers in the background. Very 1992 school picture, only animated!
I want to note that there was a completely silent part and Sam was still strumming. #fakeguitar
Sam is singing Sing by Ed Sheeran.
Ariana Grand is attractive. Bonus for no pants.
Jasmine Trias sang better than that.
At least she’s less dead-eyed than usual. Unfortunately the verses were kind of awful, and the choruses not quite good enough to redeem them
??? This isn’t even vaguely in tune.
(that’s what we call “damning with faint praise”)
This is, I think one of Jessica’s better performances
Jessica is singing Human by Christina Perri
To quote Buffy the movie, I’m not disappointed, just angry.
America: you’re letting us down
3 songs in and so far this is a bust.
Poor Sam. He’s just outclassed by Jena and Alex
Caleb sang Don’t Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith.
If the contest were won or lost on sheer lung capacity Caleb would obviously be a frontrunner
Every hero eventually falls. This is not on point.
This… doesn’t sound quite right
Oh good, I have not heard this Aerosmith song enough times. Please sing it again and again because it is very enjoyable and interesting.
America gets the song choices it deserves. I’m not even sure I get why that’s popular.
This song sucked for Alex. I think because it kind of sucks.
Alex is singing Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood.
Oh my god that’s how Jason Mraz talks?
Ryan’s tie is kind of ugly
Apparently if it sucks it’s the fault of countless teenage girls